So as you all know Jake and I had great success with our pregnancies. Not only did we get pregnant on our first try with both kids, but I carried them with relative ease and even though my deliveries were a bit long there wasn't a lot of complications...(yes, emmaus was in the NICU for 10 days, but it was mostly that he had swallowed the maconium...so it was just that they needed to clean out his system...no real scare of underdevloped parts or anything.)
I'm writing this because I have a lot of friends who are pregant right now, or trying to get pregnant. One friend in particular just found out that the 20 week baby she is carrying is missing some vital organs and has been told that it probably won't beable to survive outside of the womb. Heart Breaking. Speechless.
We never did any genetic testing with our pregnancies because my thought had always been if something were to come up, how would that change anything. I would still have the baby, so why not just have the baby and figure things out after the fact....my friends situation isn't genetically relevant, but I've been thinking about the convo I had with her about her situation....and am trying to relate anything I've experienced with what she is going through. To try to understand...to empathize...when I was thinking about not doing those tests it was under the assumption that as long as the baby came out breathing and with a heartbeat that we could overcome anything else...I never considered the alternative.....
I haven't thought this much about anything for awhile...I guess I want to know what other people think about it, what you've gone through...for those of you who are prego or have been, or want to be...what are your concerns/scares/praise reports about experiences you've gone through/heard about....
My friend was given the choice of wanting to carry the child to term/ carry the baby as long as the body allows for it to, or to terminate the pregnancy themselves. How does one make this decision?
There's the perspective that baby is still a baby, so voluntarily ending the pregancy at any point is abortion...but how does one emotionally carry a child in the womb knowing it won't live? I guess the idea of spending as much time with your child would be something to cherish because a life is a life.
I'm not supporting any one decision, I don't have an agenda with this post. I have an open mind about all of the above...I just feel the need to write about this. I know of other friends who have miscarried later in the pregnancy and I saw how emotional it was for them. I never talked to them about it personally...I never knew how to broach the conversation about it since we are friends, just not so close that I felt I could talk to her about it.
My question is not why does God let these things happen, but more...how do we cope with such .....I can't even think of how to describe it. I know that God doesn't give us more than we can handle, that He works miracles, that He will never forsake us. I am grateful that I didn't have to go through anything like this with my children. We volunarily have decided to stop having children. Jake got snipped 3 weeks after Imogen was born.
I feel ...I'm not sure how I feel. I know people, and have friends who struggle with infertility and want a baby more than anything. I don't understand why some people get pregnant without trying, how single teenagers get pregnant after having sex one time, how some women try and try and try and finally conceive only to have some kind of complication and lose the baby...I guess in a weird way that I'm cheating...I know I'm not going to say this right, but...I feel bad in a way, that we had it so easy...that we feel our family is complete that we want to move on with our lives and don't feel the need/want to have anymore kids, yet there are all these people that still can't have a child, or can't have another one, or are struggling to have another one...you get the picture. I just wish it was easy for everyone...
I know everyone is different and I believe that things happen for a reason...in a way it makes me love and cherish my babes that much more. I know we are blessed and I never want to feel held back by my kids. They are a blessing not only to me and Jake, they are a blessing to everyone that lays eyes on their beautiful little faces.
To all my friends out there, my heart goes out to your families whether you are single, married, in a relationship, with child, enjoying a newborn, or are on your umpteenth baby. Cherish the life you have. Live it to the fullest. Bless others around you. Remember Jesus died for you and to show his Love to others in everything you do. Love one another....I'll leave you with Hard Rock Cafe's mantra:
Love All Serve All
please leave a comment about your thoughts....I think people need to hear...
as always, thank you for reading.
3 comments:
wow, Cas, deep thoughts. Tough subject. I wish more people would consider adoption. As you said, teenagers get pregnant on the first time. Grown, married adults try and try and can't get pregnant for anything. I'm not trying to minimize the pain of infertility or miscarriage. I have a number friends who have struggled with both of those things, and the pain is deep and severe. I also have friends who tried to get pregnant for 2 or 3 years, and then decided to adopt, and they are absolutely fulfilled as parents. Yes, there is still the desire to be pregnant, to bring a child of your own offspring into the world. I think women are generally born with that desire. But, to bring my point back around, there are enough children in the world who need parents and enough parents in the world who want children. Why won't more people consider adoption? We have been blessed enough to have it both ways. I have 2 biological children, one step, and 2 adopted. They are all my children and I love them all.
As for you friend... wow... I can't imagine either. I wouldn't judge anyone any decision they made in that situation. I guess the best thing would be to pray for God to give you peace in whatever decision you make. My first inclination is to say that it's a life that God has given you, and you should do your best to nurture and care for that life as long as it lasts, even if it's only a few more months. But I don't know.
This makes me cry. After just having our little boy I realized I need to truly count my blessings. I have been struggling the first week of motherhood and it hadn't REALLY occurred to me that there are some women who would love to have their baby healthy and full term, even if it meant no sleep, hard nights, sore nipples and the like. I worried a lot about Phineas when he was in my belly. We also did not do any genetic testing and opted out of the newborn metabolic screening (for other disorders) for the same reasons as you guys. Now that he is here and healthy, all I think about is keeping him that way. I have nightmares about waking up to seeing a blue baby, knowing I would be helpless. Anyway girl, thanks for posting this. I needed a wake up call. Love ya. Your friend is in our prayers.
Having a family is a miracle. I'm glad it was "easy" for you, but you definitely didn't cheat. ;) Some of us just have to find out what God's will is for us the hard way. I'm confident that everyone has challenges, but you're right that He doesn't give us more than we can handle. I'm so happy you have been blessed with 2 beautiful miralces and I hope the best for your friend.
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